


Wishful Thinking

by sheriffswanmills



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, College, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-01-06 14:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheriffswanmills/pseuds/sheriffswanmills
Summary: Emma and Robin are best friends and leave for college together, where they meet Regina Mills. Emma instantly falls for the girl, her roommate. Regina, however, only has eyes for Robin. (SWANQUEEN AU).





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE 1: I don’t know much about colleges in America, since I don’t live there, but let’s just all pretend there exists a college in New York for both baseball and soccer scholarships.
> 
> NOTE 2: There will be some mention of OutlawQueen in this story, since they’re in a relationship for a while. However, this story is completely SwanQueen :).
> 
> NOTE 3: I suggest looking at the time I wrote at the top of each chapter in italics, since some chapters will contain flashbacks and I don't want that to be too confusing.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a time or any of the characters.

**PROLOGUE**

_Freshman year, September 2012_

 

Going off to college together with her best friend had seemed like a great idea at the time. Robin and Emma were both ready to cut ties with the small town they had met each other in two years ago. Robin had been living on his own since he was sixteen. Both his parents had died in a car crash that year, and the judges agreed to have him emancipated. Emma had been moved to a new foster home that same year and she had instantly connected with Robin. When the day came that Emma got kicked out of her foster home, Robin had taken her in. Both of them played sports and were lucky enough to receive a full scholarship to the same college. Robin for baseball and Emma for soccer.

So when the day to leave Storybrooke behind finally came, both were happy to hit the road. There went a lot of time into planning their road trip to their college in New York. Emma had never been on a holiday and she didn’t expect it to be so much fun. But it was. A road trip with her best friend seemed to be just what she needed.

Emma had thought about obvious things, as finally focusing on soccer and not on ridiculous subjects she had been forced to take in High School. She knew she still had to take some classes and chose to major in social work. What she wasn’t looking forward to, however, were the dorms. The college didn’t allow boys and girls to share a room. Emma really didn’t want to be separated from her best friend. They had been living together for almost two years, and Emma wasn’t quite ready to give that up. She also wasn’t very good with people, so she was one hundred percent sure rooming with another girl would be a disaster. Robin assured her she would be fine, but Emma remained apprehensive. She was never one for friends and was always kind of a loner. Robin had been the only exception in her eighteen years of living. There had been a girl once, Lily, but she had betrayed her like everyone else in her life. Not so long after Emma found herself leaving for Storybrooke to live with a new foster family once again.

Fidgeting with her hands, Emma made her way into the building. She was ready to get this over with and to get registered. Fate, however, had other plans for her. Emma sighed. There was a long row of students waiting and Emma and Robin silently took place in the queue.

‘So,’ Robin said. ‘How is life at college going, Emma Swan?’

Emma laughed and shoved him gently. ‘We haven’t even started yet, idiot,’ she pointed out the obvious, not feeling up for Robin’s teasing.

Though she appreciated his gesture to put her at ease, she was too nervous. When it was finally their turn, Emma breathed a sigh of relief. Robin smiled at her.

‘You’re going to be fine, Emma,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you at breakfast, all right? Don’t freak out too much and try not to strangle your roommate.’ He winked at her and left to find his way to his dorm.

Emma wished she was more like Robin. He was social, knew how to handle people and everywhere he went he made new friends. She had no doubt he would feel right at home here by tomorrow. Emma wasn’t so sure about herself. Before she came here, she had made a list of everything she shouldn’t do. Making that sort of lists was kind of her thing since she was four years old and got kicked out of her second foster home.

Number one on her list stated she shouldn’t crush on her roommate. Emma knew from a young age she was different and that it had nothing to do with the fact that she was a foster kid. It had everything to do with that she was gay. Actually, that was the reason why Lily betrayed her. The girl was extremely religious and could not accept Emma for who she was. Robin, on the contrary, had accepted her without doubt. He was also the one who made her write down that rule, because, as he had said, if she would start crushing on her roommate, it would only cause her problems.  
The second item on her list was: don’t ignore her roommate. Another rule Robin thought of. Emma, of course, was completely against that particular rule, not seeing the problem in ignoring her future roommate.  
The third, and last thing, on her list stated she couldn’t lose her scholarship. Emma knew that wouldn’t be a problem. She had always combined studying and soccer and it always worked out well.

She was dreading going to her dorm. First, she wandered around the hallways, watching people move in with friends and family by their sides. Although she usually liked watching people, she really wasn’t in the mood to watch the students hug their family’s goodbye. She sighed deeply and decided to visit the common bathroom. She lingered there a long time, playing a silly game on her phone.

Finally, she decided she couldn’t stall any longer. She would have to go to her room and face her new roommate. She took her small bag in her hand and left the bathroom. It took a bit longer to find her dorm than expected, but Emma didn’t mind. When she came in, there were three suitcases on the left bed. The girl who was unpacking had her back to her. Feeling awkward, Emma cleared her throat. A shorthaired brunette turned to face her. Emma’s breath caught in her throat. The girl was stunning, absolutely beautiful. Chocolate brown eyes found her own emerald ones and Emma found herself unable to look away. When the brunette started to speak, Emma didn’t register it at first, watching the red lips of her roommate move. Finally, she shook her head and composed herself. She barely caught the name. _Regina_. It suited her, Emma decided.

‘Close your mouth, dear, or you’ll catch flies,’ the soft voice spoke.

Right. ‘Hi,’ she said awkwardly. ‘I’m Emma. Emma Swan.’

The brunette nodded once and turned around to continue her unpacking.

‘I hope you don’t mind me taking the left bed. You weren’t here when I arrived, so I thought it would be fine.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Emma mumbled. She watched Regina for a moment longer, before dropping her bag on the right bed.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her heart is beating rapidly and she takes a few deep breaths to control her breathing. Her hand reaches out to stroke Regina’s hair, but she stops halfway, reminding herself she doesn’t have the right to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a time or any of the characters.
> 
> Sorry it took so long to post, I'll try to post chapter 2 faster :)
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Clare (its a story of love), for helping me out!

_Junior Year, November 2015_

‘Oh, come on, Em! For me?’

Emma shakes her head from under the blankets. Of course, Regina isn’t having any of it. She shoves the blankets off Emma. She sighs when she sees her friend, who is curled up in a ball.

‘Emma, come on.’ Regina takes her hands in Emma’s and moves them in a sitting position.

Emma looks at her friend. It seems Regina becomes more and more beautiful with each day. If she didn’t think Regina was beautiful when she first saw her, she certainly thinks so now. The extremely short locks were long gone. Regina’s hair falls in gentle waves just over her shoulders, eyes still the same deep chocolate brown. Emma looks down at their joined hands, flipping them and staring at the red-painted nails. After a few moments, she moves her head up and looks at Regina.

‘Why?’ she whines. It isn’t exactly what she expected herself to say.

‘Emma, you haven’t seen anyone in the years I’ve known you. Hell, I don’t think you ever dated anyone in your life.’

‘That’s not true,’ Emma protests, ‘Remember Hayley?‘

‘You saw each other for a week before you dumped her. That doesn’t count, Emma.’

The blonde grumbles a bit but finally gives in, knowing Regina can be quite persistent at times. Regina jumps up, her hands slipping out of Emma’s. Emma finds herself missing the warmth immediately, but doesn’t let it show. She’s become very good at hiding her feelings over the years.

‘I know you’ll like Ruby. She reminds me of you sometimes. Anyways, go pick an outfit. Robin will be here in fifteen minutes!’

On their way to the club where they’re supposed to meet Ruby, Robin and Regina are holding hands. Emma desperately tries not to stare at them. It was bad enough when she emerged from her room and she walked in on them kissing. Emma’s heart had clenched in her chest. Oh, what she wouldn’t give to be the one who makes Regina looks so flustered and smiling.

She shakes her head to clear her thoughts. Maybe Ruby can help her forget about Regina, even if it is only for one night. Emma grimaces slightly and follows the couple. Regina’s not so subtle ways to set her up seemed to finally catch up with her. The brunette should know by now none of them would work out. She thought Regina would’ve given up by now. It’s been weeks since the last blind date her friend had made her go to. Somehow this was even worse.

It isn’t that Regina’s dress isn’t pretty to look at. Hell, the young woman looks breathtaking in it. It was more that she would have to watch her best friend cling to Regina the whole time.

‘Emma, keep up a bit, will ya?’ Robin shouts over his shoulder. Emma, noticing she had ended up a few feet from them, quickly catches up.

Emma sighs and throws back another shot. She’s not sure how tonight could be worse. It’s not that Ruby is not nice. On the contrary, the girl is almost perfect. She likes Ruby, but she just isn’t interested. Maybe she shouldn’t be so focused on Regina. Her friend is obviously in love with Robin. The two have been clinging to each other the entire evening. Maybe if she let it go, she could give someone else a chance. But deep down she knows she can’t. She sighs deeply.

Ruby suddenly moves forward and plants her lips on the blondes. Emma is surprised for a moment before she slightly pulls away. Her eyes automatically search Regina. She can see the brunette’s head that is slightly turned towards her and Ruby. She wears a troubled look and Emma allows herself for a moment to believe it’s one of jealousy. But Regina turns back to Robin and Emma shrugs it off. There’s no way Regina would be jealous of her and Ruby. She was the one who set them up!

She takes one more step back and looks at Ruby. She searches the girl’s eyes, but they don’t give anything away that could give her some clarity about this situation. Neither of the girls says something for a moment.

Finally, Ruby decides to open her mouth. ‘So, what’s the deal with you and Regina?’

Emma gapes at Ruby. ‘What?’ she asks. ‘Nothing is going on.’

Ruby gives her a look that clearly says she knows otherwise.

‘I…’ Emma starts, before changing her mind. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she sighs.

Ruby doesn’t give her a pitying look, as Mary Margaret would’ve done. Instead it’s one of understanding and points to a couple in the back, where two brunettes are cuddling close.

‘See that girl over there? Her name is Belle. I’ve known her since kindergarten. Regina actually set me up with you because she couldn’t stand me drooling over her anymore…’

Emma snorts. ‘That does sound like Regina,’ she smiles. ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out though.’ She smiles apologetically at Ruby.

‘That’s okay. To being friends?’ she holds up another shot.

Emma let’s out a laugh. ‘To being friends,’ she repeats.

Emma wakes up with a killer headache. She groans and rolls over, expecting the rest of her bed to be empty when her body collies with that of someone else. She vaguely remembers sitting at the bar with Ruby. She groans again when she remembers their kiss. Did she and Ruby…? No, they didn’t. She still clearly remembers ending the kiss and their conversation afterwards. She feels at her body and is relieved she’s wearing pajamas. Emma takes a deep breath and turns around.

Her eyes widen and she gasps silently. Next to her lies Regina, the girl she fell in love with a long time ago. Her eyes move over the soft features. The brunette looks so peaceful and Emma is suddenly overwhelmed with the need to kiss her. She’s had that need so many times that she stopped counting. She moves a bit closer, absorbing Regina’s body warmth, entangling their legs in the progress. She doesn’t mind in the slightest and when she notices that Regina stays asleep, she gains some more courage to move even more closer.

Her heart is beating rapidly and she takes a few deep breaths to control her breathing. Her hand reaches out to stroke Regina’s hair, but she stops halfway, reminding herself she doesn’t have the right to do that. Maybe if Regina and Robin weren’t a couple, she could. Maybe if Regina liked her as more than just friends, she could. Emma sighs and drops her hand on the mattress. The movement makes Regina shift a bit and Emma holds her breath. But the brunette stays fast asleep. Emma closes her eyes and feels a tear trickle down her cheek. She bites her lip and quickly wipes it away. Now is not the time. Not with Regina lying next to her.

Suddenly, she realizes what she did. She carefully starts to move away from Regina. Her legs brush against Regina’s and she shivers. She silently groans and rolls out of bed. She stares at the brunette for a moment longer. She watches her chest rise and gets lost in the peaceful look Regina wears that only appears in her sleep. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and makes her way to the shower.

When she comes out of the shower, she notices Regina is no longer lying in her bed. Drying her hair, she walks in the direction of their shared living room. About a year ago, they decided to move out of the dorms and get a shared apartment instead. Emma was surprisingly happy about the change. It was a bit farther to get to school now, but she had her yellow bug. Her nose catches on the smell of coffee and when she makes her way to the kitchen, she notices Regina.

She’s still wearing her pajamas: a long black shirt that barely covers her lace panties. She’s moving her hips on whatever beat she’s silently humming. Emma’s breath catches in her throat. God, she’s just so beautiful. She smiles at the sight. In freshman year Regina used to have silk pajama sets. When they’d gotten past their differences and finally became friends, Emma taught her about oversized shirts and tank tops. Her smile widens at the memory.

She watches the brunette for a while longer before sneaking up on her. She gently places her hands on her friend’s shoulders and tries not to think about how close they are or this how this would be something couples would do. Regina jumps and turns around.

‘Emma!’

Regina starts to say something else, but the sudden closeness is distracting Emma. She breathes in Regina’s scent. Since it’s morning she isn’t wearing perfume yet and Emma gets lost in the scent that’s just all Regina. It takes all her strength to not move her eyes just a little bit lower.

‘Emma?’ Regina asks, this time concerned.

‘Hmm, yeah?’

‘I asked if you wanted some coffee, but now I see you can use it,’ she jokes, taking a step back.

Emma instantly feels the loss of Regina’s body warmth and somehow manages a small smile whilst swallowing her disappointment. She briefly wonders if they’re going to discuss sharing a bed last night, but decides that it’s better to just leave it. Instead she settles on watching Regina making her a cup of coffee.

They’ve had a few of these kinds of days before. The kind of days where they act like they’re a couple. At least, that’s what Emma thinks a couple is supposed to look like. While she herself never really had a relationship, she’s seen enough of Regina’s and Robin’s. Waking up and having breakfast together, working in the living room and ending the night with pizza and a movie. Robin had been the one introducing Regina to pizza, and Emma’s still a little jealous he had gotten the chance first.

Regina cuddles closer to her and lays her head on her chest. Emma holds her breath, but nothing more happens. She sighs inwardly. She should’ve known. But still there is a small part of her can’t help but hope someday this will all mean more. That she will mean more to Regina, like Regina does to her. She leans down a little bit and softly brushes her lips over Regina’s dark hair. The brunette stiffens for a minute, before relaxing into Emma’s embrace again.

The days after that one night they’d ended up in bed together things are painfully normal again. Emma thought she might’ve been making progress with Regina, but the brunette focuses on her normal priorities instead. She goes to class, has lunch with Emma twice a week, goes on dates with Robin and pours herself into her essay with everything she has. Despite the hurt, Emma knows she had allowed herself to hope this time would be different. She brought this upon herself.

So she works with Regina and makes sure her friend stays hydrated. It keeps her busy, mostly. She doesn’t think about Regina as much when she focuses on school and work and… Well, she tends to get lost in the brunettes features for what feels like hours. It could’ve easily been a few minutes, but she isn’t aware of how much time passes when she’s with Regina. The brunette never seems to notice, always too engaged in her essay and her other schoolwork.

But Emma catches herself on numerous occasions. She doesn’t stop though. She thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Regina finally found out. She has imagined several scenarios of what she’d say if the brunette noticed. Regina would ask “why are you staring?” and Emma would answer with something like “because you’re beautiful” or “because I like looking at beautiful things”.

It never happens though. Regina never turns her head to give her a small smile, to make sure Emma is okay or to ask her why she’s been staring for so long. So Emma never says anything, even though she knows it’s killing her on the inside. It has always been killing her.

 


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their conversation of that afternoon keeps playing in Emma’s mind as she walks home. She overanalyzes her behavior of the past few weeks and her eyes widen in shock as she comes to the realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a time or any of the characters.
> 
> Aaaaah I'm so bad at uploading new chapters! Sorry it took so long again ):
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Clare (its a story of love), for helping me out!

_Junior Year, December 2015_

Sometimes Emma gets so lost in the moment of being with Regina that she forgets. She forgets about her feelings for the brunette, even if it’s only for a few seconds. Those moments, those few quiet moments when she and Regina are just friends, those are the best ones. They’re rare, but she cherishes them.

 

While she doesn’t regret falling for her friend, it’s somehow always a little painful to be around her. To think about how her ‘I love you’ means so much more than Regina’s. To have Regina close to her, to spend time with who she can’t have in the way she wishes. With Regina those moments are rare, because frankly when she’s with the brunette she only pays attention to her.

  
With Robin, it’s just as hard, but the moments are less scare. Of course, it hurts, stings really, that he got Regina’s positive attention at once, while it took her a while for her to be as close with Regina as he was immediately. After that one night, Regina had frozen up and it had taken her a few weeks to get more out of Regina than a few words.

 

But she’s been friends with Robin for so long. He’s her best friend, brother, her rock. Emma knows she won’t be able to ever go on with her life if she loses him. It’s why she never opened up to either half of the couple. She’d end up losing them both. She’s used to people leaving her. She’s good at pushing people away, it’s how she’s always survived. But these two have stuck by her side, no matter how much she resisted. It’s still a mystery to her why Regina and Robin are still friends with her, but she has learned to accept it.

 

She loves forgetting for a while, but when both Regina and Robin are in the apartment, it gets hard. When it’s just her and the brunette it’s easy to pretend that her dreams have come true. That Regina is hers and that they decided to rent an apartment because they’re dating and felt ready to take the next step. Not because they are good at living together and being roommates and best friends.

 

With Robin in the apartment, it feels like she’s intruding. She doesn’t like sitting at the kitchen table, drinking her coffee and have Regina walk in wearing Robin’s shirt while holding his hand. It’s what’s happening right now and she feels the need to run immediately. Normally, she’s able to control herself, to smile at them and to have a civil conversation.

 

But today, she feels tears sting in her eyes. She knows it’s because she’s been allowing herself more since that night at the bar. She’s been allowing herself to touch more, to spend more time with Regina. They spend lunches and dinners together. Emma joins Regina when she’s focused on school work. She’s already heard Robin complaining about that one. When they have a stay-in night together and watch a movie, she allows herself to sit closer, to lay her head on Regina’s shoulder.

 

If the brunette noticed, she hasn’t said anything. Emma hopes that’s the case, because then it would mean that Regina doesn’t mind this new closeness either. Because that’s what she’s been allowing herself to do most. Hope.

 

Watching the couple move around in the kitchen, Emma decides to hide in her phone. She messages Ruby asking to meet up. Ruby texts back that she’s welcome to come by at Granny’s as soon as her shift is over. Emma looks at the clock and realizes she still has three hours to kill.

 

It’s clear to her that she doesn’t want to hang out with the couple any longer and so Emma grabs her books and heads to the university library. Regina and Robin don’t even notice her leaving. It stings a little. But what stings more is the sudden realization that Robin has been spending less time with her lately and more with Regina. She shrugs it off and quietly closes the door behind her.

 

Two and a half hours go by as Emma works on her essay that’s due next week. She dives into her school work in order to forget everything involving Robin or Regina. When she finally looks at the clock, she decides to pack up her stuff. She’s been messaging Ruby a lot lately and Emma is surprised how much she’s enjoying the company of the brunette. With Robin and Regina being the only people she talks to regularly, she quite welcomes the company of the skinny brunette.

 

Emma could’ve sworn she saw a jealous look on Regina’s face once or twice, but she had shrugged it off. Regina has probably gotten used to all the time they had been spending together lately. Besides, Regina had Robin. And Emma knows Regina really did love him. Ruby recently mentioned one of the waitresses left and that there’s a position open at the local diner.

 

Emma wants to spend time with Ruby and she knows she’ll enjoy it, but this visit also has another purpose. It didn’t take her long to come to the decision of wanting to apply. She has actually been thinking about it for a while and now that there is a chance of getting hired, she knows she has to take it. She’s heard lots of positive things from Ruby and working with a friend seems like fun.

 

As soon as Emma sets foot into the diner, a pair of skinny arms embrace her and a body falls into her. ‘Hey there stranger. You really need to come by more often! I missed you!’

 

Emma laughs. ‘We talk on the phone all the time. But actually, I might be able to do just that.’

 

She takes out her application and waves it in front of Ruby’s face. The brunette squeals and grabs it from her. ‘No way! You’re going to work here?’

 

Emma looks down and pushes some of her blonde locks behind her ear. ‘That’s the plan. If your gran hires me of course,’ she smiles.

 

Ruby takes her hand. ‘Honey, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.’

 

After Ruby has made them both a hot cocoa, the two sit down. Emma slowly sips her hot cocoa. ‘So’, Ruby casually says. ‘How are things with Regina? Any progress?’

 

Emma’s eyes find Ruby’s over her steaming mug. ‘How are things with Belle?’, she shoots back.

 

Ruby cracks a laugh. ‘Fair point, fair point. But you know my opinion. I still think you should tell Regina how you feel.’

 

Their conversation of that afternoon keeps playing in Emma’s mind as she walks home. She overanalyzes her behavior of the past few weeks and her eyes widen in shock as she comes to the realization. The things she has been allowing herself clearly point out that she does not longer want to keep her love for Regina a secret. She actually wants to tell the brunette. Making up her mind, she decides she’s going tell Regina she’s in love with her. And she’s going to do it tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You look… amazing.’
> 
> ‘Yeah?’
> 
> Emma catches the doubt in Regina’s voice. ‘Really. You look beautiful, Regina.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a time or any of the characters.
> 
> Woah, it's been almost a month! I won't bother with excuses because to be honest I simply forgot. Enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Clare (its a story of love), for helping me out!

_Freshman Year, October 2012_

Emma cannot stop staring at her roommate. Regina is absolutely stunning and she doesn’t want to look away. It is their fifth week at college and classes have already started, since she and Robin had decided to go to college early. Emma knew, that within the first week, she had managed to break her first rule: she shouldn’t crush on her roommate.

 

But with Regina, it had just happened. She was simply gorgeous and it appeared she was really nice as well. Emma, at least, was proud she was successfully fulfilling the second rule. It took a while before they had warmed up to each other, but since their third week at college, she and Regina talked a lot. They had most lunches together and Emma really enjoys Regina’s company. She doesn’t even want to fight her crush on Regina. It hasn’t given her any problems so far. If anything, it makes them interact more and Emma has not felt this connection with anyone but Robin before. Yet, there are small differences with Regina. She suspects the crush thing has something to do with that.

 

She smiles lazily at Regina as she fixes her hair in front of the only mirror in their room. Tonight is apparently a big night, because the first official college party will be thrown. The brunette has been getting ready for about an hour now. Robin had insisted Emma should join him and come to the party, saying this would be the perfect opportunity to meet the other Freshman. Emma had told him no at least a dozen times.

 

And as if Robin wasn’t bad enough, Regina kept insisting as well. She hasn’t stopped pursuing Emma into going all night. While Emma would love to join Regina and go out with her, she isn’t big on parties. She doesn’t like large crowds. They make her feel uncomfortable. Senior prom was bad enough, when she’d almost had a panic attack had Robin not been there.

 

And so, Emma has been watching Regina for the past hour. Regina is always beautiful, but right now she looks stunning. It takes all of Emma’s self-control not to walk over and do something stupid. Like kissing those delicious, plump, red lips.

 

‘What do you think?’ Regina turns around and Emma’s mouth goes dry. The dress Regina’s wearing leaves little to imagination. It’s short, really short, has a low back and shows quite some cleavage. It’s very different than the brunette’s usual style: designer skirt or designer pants with an expensive silk blouse.

 

‘You look… amazing.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

Emma catches the doubt in Regina’s voice. ‘Really. You look beautiful, Regina.’

 

‘You know, I would really feel better if you would come. Everyone probably knows someone and I’ll be very awkward and alone.’

 

Emma sighs. ‘You have nothing to worry about. Everyone will love you. But if you need me, just give me a call and I’ll come, okay?’ she says, surprising herself. Regina nods, smiles a little and then she’s at the door. Emma gives her a thumbs up and waves. A second later she’s alone.

 

It’s about 1,5 hours later that she hears her phone ringing. She quickly swallows the popcorn she’d been eating and pauses Netflix. _Regina Mills_ **,** she sees when she looks at her phone. She quickly swipes right. The first thing she hears is music, really loud music. The second thing she hears is giggling. She guesses that it’s Regina’s laugh and Emma finds herself falling in love with the sound.

 

‘Regina?’, Emma asks. She doesn’t get an answer. Instead she just hears music. Two minutes after ending the call, she decides she wants to make sure that Regina is fine. She throws on a hoodie and some ripped jeans and she’s out the door.

 

The party isn’t far. When she arrives, all she can see is bodies moving. It’s a mass of people and Emma can feel her breath quicken. She’s reminded why she never goes to parties in the first place. Okay, she tells herself, just make sure Regina is fine and then go home. She doesn’t decide to dwell on the thought that she’s just called the dorm room she shares with Regina home.

 

Instead she makes her way through the people and looks around for Regina. Emma doesn’t have to search long. She spots Regina’s dress immediately. She’s about to move closer, but stops herself when she sees who the brunette is dancing with.

 

Her best friend. Robin. They are dancing really close together and Robin is smiling down at Regina. She sees Regina biting her lip and giggling. Emma’s heart sinks. She wants to be mad at Robin, but that would not be fair. He doesn’t know she has a crush on the girl he’s flirting with right now.

 

She takes a deep breath and looks up again. The moment she does, she wishes she hadn’t. All she can do is watch as the two of them lean in and share what looks like a passionate kiss. She takes a step back. Pure jealousy takes over her body and she can feel the tears that are starting to pool in her eyes.

 

She blinks, comes back to herself and runs till she is back in her bed. She collapses and cries for what seems like hours. She knows she is being ridiculous. She has only known the girl for a few weeks. It is crazy to become that attached to someone so quickly. It is only a crush. She is sure it will disappear soon enough. It is not like she was going to allow herself the chance to be more with Regina anyways. But in her heart, Emma knows that she hasn’t felt this way before. And it scares the hell out of her. And that only makes her cry harder.

 

The next morning, Emma is scared to open her eyes. Will Regina be in her bed or did she go to Robin’s room? What if she isn’t? But what if she is? She is not sure what scares her more. If the brunette isn’t in her bed, but with Robin, it could just be a one-night stand. But if she is, that means the night had gone well and they might have made plans to see each other again.

 

Or not, she realizes, it could have just a one-time thing. She groans. She is making herself go crazy. Deciding it is better to just open her eyes now instead of wondering, she does just that. She sits up and the first thing she sees is the empty bed across from her. Her heart stops for a second before she sees Regina working at her desk. God, she went to a party last night! How is she already up and working?

 

‘Hey Em.’ Em, that is a new one, but she finds that she doesn’t really mind if it’s Regina calling her that.

 

‘Yeah, good morning to you too… Why are you up so early?’

 

‘Job applications. I heard last night that you have to be quick or all jobs in the area will be taken.’

 

Right. Emma stands up and makes herself some coffee. Leaning against the counter she asks: ‘so, how was last night? You called me?’

 

‘Oh, I did? I’m sorry, that must have been an accident. It was so much fun. I met this really sweet boy last night. We kissed and we’re going on a date this weekend. His name is,

 

‘Robin.’

 

Regina stares at her. ‘How did you know?’

 

‘I came down last night to make sure you were okay. I saw you two together. Robin is my best friend.’

 

‘I hope that doesn’t bother you?’

 

‘It doesn’t. Robin is a good guy. I will help you get ready for your date?’ Emma is surprised when Regina jumps up and hugs her. She barely has time to register the feeling of Regina’s arms around her and their body’s touching each other. She catches a smell of apple before the brunette lets go.

 

She starts talking about last night and Robin, but after a few minutes, Emma zones out. It does bother her, but not for the reason Regina asked. She is very jealous and sad. Robin is about to see and get a whole other side of Regina that she’ll never see or have. And it leaves her heartbroken. Shut up, Emma, she tells herself. It is only a crush.

 


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina suddenly turns around and they’re facing each other, feeling each other’s breath on their faces. This time, Emma doesn’t fight herself as her eyes move to Regina’s red lips.
> 
> \- The chapter in which Emma and Regina finally kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone for too long but I've finished this story! I'll post the last 2 chapters all this week :)  
> Leave a comment maybe? Thank you!

_Freshman Year, February 2016_  
When Emma comes home Thursday evening after studying late at the library, she sees Regina has waited up for her. Regina, usually one for turning in early and rising at 6am, Emma knows something is up. She unwraps her scarf and analyzes the brunette’s face.

She looks a bit troubled, but her eyes are sparkling. So the news couldn’t be that bad. Emma goes to sit opposite of Regina and says: ‘So?’

Regina looks at her and bites her lip. Emma’s eyes immediately attract to the plump, red lips. As all kinds of thoughts invade her mind, the brunette starts talking. ‘I don’t know how you’re going to take it, but Robin asked me to move in with him.’

With those words, every dirty thought disappears from Emma’s mind. She has to bite her lip – hard, she can taste blood – to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. She had always known that Regina and Robin were serious. For god’s sake, she had once caught Regina looking at wedding dresses. But this still hits her hard.

‘Okay,’ she finally manages to get out. 

She doesn’t even know what she means with that. ‘Okay, move in with him, I don’t mind?’ No. No, no, no, no. ‘Okay, what are you gonna do because I cannot live without you at all and I don’t want another roommate I want you please don’t move in with him?’ Definitely. ‘Okay, I understand?’ Maybe. Because she does understand. Kind of.

‘Okay what?’ Regina asks, as if reading Emma’s mind.

‘Are you going to?’ Emma asks, her brain finally able to form a proper sentence that makes sense.

‘I don’t know,’ Regina admits. Her face turns into a frown again. She’s wringing her hands and biting her lip – again Emma, stop those thoughts – which Emma knows is a nervous sign.

‘I wanted to talk it over with you. I mean, we’ve been living together for a few years now and I love living with you. And I like our apartment and just being us in here,’ she sighs, ‘I don’t know if I’m ready…’

Emma’s eyes widen. Not ready? Regina had looked at wedding dresses for god’s sake (we’re too young, Emma). Regina looks at her so expectantly that Emma knows she’s supposed to say something. She searches for the right words and decides on being the understanding, supportive best friend she knows Regina needs right now. This is not the time to think about her own feelings, she can do that later. In bed. With lots of tissues.

‘If you’re not sure you’re ready then you shouldn’t do it. I’m sure Robin would understand.’

Regina nods as if Emma’s just given her the solution to her problem. ‘Thanks,’ is all she says, as she reaches for the cup of tea in front of her. And Emma knows the conversation is over. She can’t bring herself to say the words she had been planning on saying not even fifteen minutes ago.

\---------------------

The next morning, they meet for breakfast together, like they do so many times during weekends. Emma isn’t quite sure what to say after last night. Regina’s announcement had totally thrown her off balance. She’d prepared herself all afternoon to tell Regina truth, only to have something like that thrown in her face.

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. Why does it always have to be like this? Of course, when she finally finds the courage to tell Regina she loves her, the universe finds a way to sabotage her plans. Regina puts a cup of coffee in front of her, the smell breaking her train of thoughts. They awkwardly look at each other for a moment and smile.

Eventually, Emma clears her throat. ‘So… Have you made a decision yet?’, she asks Regina carefully.

Regina stares down at her own mug for a second before looking up again. Her cheeks turn slightly red, but Regina manages a steady, teasing voice as she says ‘Depends. Do you have something you would like to tell me?’

Emma chokes on her coffee as her mouth drops. She stares at her for what seems like an eternity. ‘Maybe’, she says finally.

She tries to keep her voice light and teasing, like Regina had. But instead it comes out shaky and high pitched. Regina patiently sips her coffee, making Emma feel exposed. Emma’s voice cracks as she tries to form the words. ‘I… well, yes I…”

Suddenly they both her the lock to their apartment turning and Emma abruptly closes her mouth. The only other person who has a key is Robin, and Emma is not about to confess her feelings to Regina in front of him. She can’t even believe she was about to. She can’t even believe Regina asked her this. Does she know? As she sees it – her habit of making lists coming up again –, this could have three outcomes, each of them not very positive.

1\. Robin and Regina both decide to abandon her and stay together.  
2\. Regina never talks to her again and moves in with Robin.  
3\. Robin hates her so much he’ll never want to see her again and Regina stays her friend because she feels sorry for her.

Sometimes, Emma really really hates how her mind works.

She quickly drowns her coffee and goes to hide in her room, not willing to hear any interaction between the two of them. Eventually, when Emma hears Regina yelling ‘Emma, we’re gonna go out!’ and the door closes behind them, she allows herself to cry.

Emma eats dinner alone and then watches a movie. She is in no way able to do any college work. It is 9:30pm when Regina walks through the door.

‘Hey’, Emma says, not wanting any more awkward silence between them. ‘Had a nice night?’

Regina smiles, nods and walks to the kitchen. ‘Tea?’, she asks Emma.

Emma, who had walked after Regina like a lost puppy, nods. As Regina prepares the kettle, Emma walks up to her. They’re so close that she can smell the brunette’s scent. Apple with a hint of cinnamon. She thinks she’s addicted to it.

Regina suddenly turns around and they’re facing each other, feeling each other’s breath on their faces. This time, Emma doesn’t fight herself as her eyes move to Regina’s red lips. Her lipstick is slightly smudged, most likely Robin’s doing. But the thought doesn’t throw her off like it normally would.

Too caught up in the moment, she doesn’t even realize that Regina’s moved closer to her. Emma notices that the brown eyes flicker to her lips and it’s all the encouragement she needs. Emma presses Regina against the kitchen counter as their lips meet each other. It takes only a second before Emma realizes what’s happening, what they’re doing. She’s actually kissing Regina. And Regina’s kissing her back. And she doesn’t want to stop. Ever.

They kiss till they are out of breath. Emma slowly licks her lips as she stares into Regina’s eyes. ‘Wow’, she manages, and moves in for a second one.

But she’s stopped by a hand in between them. And as Emma slowly backs away, she sees the troubled look in the brown eyes she’s come to love so much. And she knows what’s about to happen.

She tries to get her feet to move. She needs to get away. Running is all she knows. But, somehow, her feet are stuck to the floor. And she can only stand there as Regina tells her she’s in a relationship with Robin, that she can’t do this. She stands there long after Regina has walked away. Tea abandoned and tears streaming down her cheeks.


End file.
